So I really don’t want to write this column this week. Not a chance. So I went into that whiny mode that has served me so well through the years. Don’t wanna go to school? Or work? Or anything else? Feign discomfort. Moan convincingly. Beg for mercy. Most of the time, people will give you a pass. But what is amazing to me, really, is that I am not convinced that we’re near as sickly as we let on most of the time. I believe that the hangover (sometimes sheer laziness) is the chief enabler of hypochondria, and then our children model us, and its one big giant clusterfuck of inaction and faux symapthy and sheer fucking laziness (did I just use the ‘fuck’ in a sentence twice, no three times). It’s out of frustration, cuz like I said, I reeeeeally don’t want to write this column this morning.
But Full Monty is having no part of it. Back at the first of the year, I made him accountable for me meeting my deadline, when in reality I was probably just blame-shifting…skirting the real issue through making Monty my emotional tampon about my own laziness. Careful what you wish for. There will be no free passes from now on, cuz like I said, Monty’s having no part of it.
“But Monty my stomach hurts real bad,” I offer with what is obviously an unconvincing whimper.
“Shut up and just do it, Hemingway.”
Damn.
“But I don’t have anything to write about.” (Lame!)
“Then write about that,” Monty opines. He’s got a radio show to run, and clearly not in the mood for any of my primadonna bullshit this morning…
Ray: “Write about what?”
Monty: “The fact that you don’t wanna write cuz your hungover, but you’re giving me this sad sack excuse about not feeling good, which is total BS.”
Ray: “Hmmmmm.”
So all this makes me wonder about all the hooky and hypochondria run amok in our culture. I mean, I’m no sociologist, but I would be willing to bet that fully half of all the absenteeism in the world, unmet deadlines and broken promises, is all of bunch of laziness. Maybe we’d be better off just ponying up to this fact. I dunno. I don’t claim to have all the answers…I’m pretty good at coming up with the questions. When I’m not too lazy, I mean.
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Did you see Bill Hicks mom on David Letterman Friday night? Letterman’s stock dropped a bunch back in the day when he booted Hicks from his show’s lineup because of objectionable content. Hicks died of pancreatic cancer the following year, leaving Letterman unable to atone until now.
Friday night, he invited Mary Hicks, Bill’s mother, on to talk about Bill. Letterman was quick to take all the credit for Bill being bumped, which almost strains credibility if you know anything about how Standards and Practices works in network television. They also aired the quote-unquote objectionable material.
The whole affair is on YouTube.
We’re nearing the 15 year anniversary of Bill’s death. Wonder what his life would’ve held were it not clipped short. Those of you who know me know what a big fan I am of his.
You can check out my interview with Bill Hicks back in 1992 in the AV Vault
